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welcome.

This is my personal journal where I document simple everyday moments or life-changing experiences.

I never want to forget what I felt (physically & emotionally), thought, heard, saw, and smelt in certain moments.

loneliness

loneliness

PAINTING BY ELISE PESCHERET 

This first post is going to be very pitiful and incredibly pathetic.

If you didn't know, Zack is a tax accountant so 'tis the season where I don't see my husband until 9pm or later Monday-Friday. He also works weekends for at least 6 hours I would say. I see him with groggy eyes in the early morning when he kisses me good-bye and tells me he loves me and to have a good day. We'll exchange between 2-3 texts during the day and then he comes home when I'm just getting ready for bed - we speak for a bit and then say goodnight.

My days during tax season consists of going to the gym, shower, pickup Finn, eat lunch, put Finn down for a nap and while he naps I answer emails, catch up on my tv shows, and roam the internet. My day ends at 5pm. Everyday. The drive home is hard for me because the only thing on my mind is what am I going to eat? I don't have anyone to come home to have dinner with. I don't have anyone to cook for. And I don't have anyone to talk about my day with. So I resort to eating out. I do not mind eat alone at all, it makes me feel less lonely when I'm surrounded by people talking about their days or the latest gossip.

Every tax season, I have a few breakdowns and today is breakdown #1. I miss my husband. The long hours are understandable and he's gotta do what he's gotta do. I'm trying to stay patient, understanding, and strong because he is exactly that when I'm in my busy season.

He has encouraged me to reach out to people to have dinner some evenings and I think it's a great idea... I'll have someone to talk about our days with over a good meal. Yes, it's a great idea until I've been stood up more times than I can count. And then I start to feel like a bother in people's lives.

So listen, if anyone ever is looking to have a good conversation over a good meal, to talk about their day, or just be in one's company... know that I am here. I will listen. And I will just BE in your presence if you don't want to be lonely. Wholeheartedly. 100%.

Because I want to end with good news. I haven't paid it forward for a long time. Yesterday I was in line at Whole Foods and this man was ahead of me. His card was declined and he had a look of embarrassment and said that he'll have to come back another time. I offered to paid for his groceries and he was so thankful that he invited me for lunch. I actually thought about it because I could tell he was making spaghetti because of the noodles and freshly grated parm- yum town. He thanked me, high-fived me, and told me he'll pay it forward. Incredible.

jab, cross, hook, upper

jab, cross, hook, upper